Friday, April 5, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 95

FRIDAY, APRIL 5th, 2013

There is a subtle difference between vaguely specific and specifically vague.  Stay tuned for details.

Today's Jazz Hands were deployed completely by accident.  Not partially accidental, as Mitch would have you believe.  Mitch will tell you that any hand motion resembling Jazz Hands is a subconscious deployment due to ninety-four consecutive days of total hand jazzing immersion.  It is a form of mental illness he will say, without the use of conjunctions.

Perhaps there is some truth in an argument that suggests muscle memory reflex plays a vital role in unintended hand jazzing, rendering the accidental deployment vaguely intentional, in the most subtle of ways.

There is also an argument to be made that nothing is truly accidental, allowing the possibility that there are events that can be categorized as partially, slightly, subtly or vaguely accidental.  Let's say that today's deployment had a ratio of 90% accident to 20% subconscious intent.

This statistic is perfect in its specific vagueness, but is in no way vaguely specific.  I will refrain from explaining the subtle difference, as I'd prefer not to underestimate the intelligence of both blog readers.  To be specifically vague, there were stairs involved in the mishap as well as a knee that works most of the time.  Most of the time can be defined with a percentage split of 85% works to 15% doesn't on a good day.  The bad news is that on an extremely good day with a 99% works to 1% doesn't split, the 99% does portion is meaningless if the 1% doesn't occurs while embarking on a grueling climb of a carpeted staircase.  During this 1% doesn't time frame, the daunting task of stair climbing becomes an unappealing venture 100% of the time.  This may be the only such time where you will find an equation that 1% equals 100%.

For the past ninety-four days I have been honing my jazz handing skills, not knowing that by deploying a form of Jazz Hands, albeit a spontaneous, partially accidental, panicked version on day ninety-five would actually help me catch my balance, potentially preventing a variety of unthinkable, life-threatening injuries related to falling down the stairs.  Although I'm not at all certain how severely someone can become hurt falling down two steps (I was in the early stages of the climb), but I'm alive to tell the tale and that's what really counts.

Today's Jazz Hands saved my life.  Day ninety-five complete.

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