Today's Jazz Hands entry will serve as an update of our running glossary of Jazz Hands vocabulary/variations. Again, almost in alphabetical order (New entries highlighted in yellow):
50% Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual that has only one arm or one hand.
Amateur Jazz Hands - When someone like myself exhibits Jazz hands, regardless of location.
Big Foot Pose Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual that is walking away from the audience, but turned at the waist, in the classic "Big Foot Caught On Camera" position. Subject must be caught on camera.
Bionic Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual that has only one arm or one hand or no arms and no hands but has saved up a large sum of money to have bionic arms created for the sole purpose of deploying Jazz Hands. Also suitable for dancing to the Styx song "Mr. Roboto."
Chaotic Hands Anarchy - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual or group that has no prior knowledge or experience with Jazz Hands, and are completely devoid of any understanding of the proper structure and form of Jazz Hands. A.K.A. Jazz Hands deployed in the absence of structural order.
Combination Jazz Hands - Any form of Jazz Hands variations sequenced together to make a new "Combination" Jazz Hands move. Example: "Honka Honka Jazz Hands" combined with "Surprise Attack Jazz Hands" would be considered "Surprise Honka Jazz Hands." Combination Jazz Hands can be dangerous when implemented together, and are known to cause bodily harm, so proceed with caution.
Forbidden Jazz Hands - Naked Jazz Handing, especially forbidden when combined with Surprise Attack Jazz Hands.
Homogenized Jazz Hands - 1. Jazz Hands done in slow motion while the rest of the world seems to whir by at break-neck speed and makes the individual deploying Jazz Hands feel as if he/her is swimming in thick, creamy milk. 2. Jazz Hands deployed while actually swimming in thick, creamy milk.
Honka Honka Jazz Hands/Male - A variation of the original but clenching the fingers in a squeezing motion (with hands facing away from you).
Impaired Jazz Hands - If one, or both, of your hands are holding a foreign object, like a top hat, cane or glass of beer, and Jazz Hands is conducted despite the lack of available digits, your Jazz Hands are "impaired."
Jazz Hands Ambush - Approaching a stranger and giving them Jazz Hands without provocation.
Jazz Hands Anarchy - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual or group that has thorough understanding of the structure and rules of Jazz Hands, but defies established standards by deploying Jazz Hands in an unconventional way.
Mexican Jazz Hands - A person of Mexican descent displaying Jazz Hands. Traditional Mexican music is not required, as long as you imagine it in your head while the event is occurring.
Morass Jazz Hands - 1. Jazz Hands deployed in a boggy marsh. 2. Jazz Hands deployed in a confounding manner. Not to be confused with Jazz Hands deployed while showing more ass.
More Ass Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed while showing more ass than somebody or something else. Not to be confused with Jazz Hands deployed in a confounding manner or in a boggy marsh.
Pro Jazz Hands - When a professional dancer, such as Al Jolson or Liza Minelli, exhibits Jazz Hands during a dance performance in film or on stage.
Random Jazz Hands - No such thing.
Right Hip Dip - Pivoting the body at the waste, to the right while displaying Jazz Hands.
Roof Top Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed from a roof top.
Royal Jazz Hands, (The) - Reference to the all encompassing, world unifying embodiment of Jazz Hands. "The Royal Jazz Hands" is done more spiritually than physically and should be considered a way of life, rather than one single deployment of Jazz Hands. "The Royal Jazz Hands" has nothing to do with kings and queens.
Salutation Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing from afar where the act is reciprocated as a form of saying "Hello!" This can be combined with almost any other variation, but usually has to be an exceptionally boisterous display so that the recipient has a strong visual of the expression. Salutation Jazz Hands can be done at close range, but usually with relatively awkward results, especially with boisterous implementation.
Silent Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without saying "Jazzzzz Handsssss!"
Big Foot Pose Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual that is walking away from the audience, but turned at the waist, in the classic "Big Foot Caught On Camera" position. Subject must be caught on camera.
Bionic Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual that has only one arm or one hand or no arms and no hands but has saved up a large sum of money to have bionic arms created for the sole purpose of deploying Jazz Hands. Also suitable for dancing to the Styx song "Mr. Roboto."
Chaotic Hands Anarchy - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual or group that has no prior knowledge or experience with Jazz Hands, and are completely devoid of any understanding of the proper structure and form of Jazz Hands. A.K.A. Jazz Hands deployed in the absence of structural order.
Combination Jazz Hands - Any form of Jazz Hands variations sequenced together to make a new "Combination" Jazz Hands move. Example: "Honka Honka Jazz Hands" combined with "Surprise Attack Jazz Hands" would be considered "Surprise Honka Jazz Hands." Combination Jazz Hands can be dangerous when implemented together, and are known to cause bodily harm, so proceed with caution.
Forbidden Jazz Hands - Naked Jazz Handing, especially forbidden when combined with Surprise Attack Jazz Hands.
Homogenized Jazz Hands - 1. Jazz Hands done in slow motion while the rest of the world seems to whir by at break-neck speed and makes the individual deploying Jazz Hands feel as if he/her is swimming in thick, creamy milk. 2. Jazz Hands deployed while actually swimming in thick, creamy milk.
Honka Honka Jazz Hands/Male - A variation of the original but clenching the fingers in a squeezing motion (with hands facing away from you).
Honka Honka Jazz Hand/Female - A variation of the original but clenching the fingers in a squeezing motion (with hands facing toward you).
Impaired Jazz Hands - If one, or both, of your hands are holding a foreign object, like a top hat, cane or glass of beer, and Jazz Hands is conducted despite the lack of available digits, your Jazz Hands are "impaired."
Jazz Hands Ambush - Approaching a stranger and giving them Jazz Hands without provocation.
Jazz Hands Anarchy - Jazz Hands deployed by an individual or group that has thorough understanding of the structure and rules of Jazz Hands, but defies established standards by deploying Jazz Hands in an unconventional way.
Mexican Jazz Hands - A person of Mexican descent displaying Jazz Hands. Traditional Mexican music is not required, as long as you imagine it in your head while the event is occurring.
Morass Jazz Hands - 1. Jazz Hands deployed in a boggy marsh. 2. Jazz Hands deployed in a confounding manner. Not to be confused with Jazz Hands deployed while showing more ass.
More Ass Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed while showing more ass than somebody or something else. Not to be confused with Jazz Hands deployed in a confounding manner or in a boggy marsh.
Pro Jazz Hands - When a professional dancer, such as Al Jolson or Liza Minelli, exhibits Jazz Hands during a dance performance in film or on stage.
Random Jazz Hands - No such thing.
Right Hip Dip - Pivoting the body at the waste, to the right while displaying Jazz Hands.
Roof Top Jazz Hands - Jazz Hands deployed from a roof top.
Royal Jazz Hands, (The) - Reference to the all encompassing, world unifying embodiment of Jazz Hands. "The Royal Jazz Hands" is done more spiritually than physically and should be considered a way of life, rather than one single deployment of Jazz Hands. "The Royal Jazz Hands" has nothing to do with kings and queens.
Salutation Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing from afar where the act is reciprocated as a form of saying "Hello!" This can be combined with almost any other variation, but usually has to be an exceptionally boisterous display so that the recipient has a strong visual of the expression. Salutation Jazz Hands can be done at close range, but usually with relatively awkward results, especially with boisterous implementation.
Silent Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without saying "Jazzzzz Handsssss!"
Spirit Fingers
- Jazz Hands with the fingers wiggling about, independently of the
others. This can be seen with the hands and arms starting high and
ending low, vertically, which is the exact same as sign language for
"rain."
Spontaneous Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without premeditation. A natural, spur of the moment, expression of excitement. Almost like sneeze, but serving a different purpose.
Spontaneous Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without premeditation. A natural, spur of the moment, expression of excitement. Almost like sneeze, but serving a different purpose.
Surprise Attack Jazz Hands
- To exhibit this variation properly one must first face away from the
audience then quickly pivot around to face them, displaying an
unexpected bombardment of Jazz Hands.
Turtle Flappers - A display of Jazz Hands with elbows pulled in touching the ribcage, forearms and hands extended out, fingers closed together, and hands making a back and forth waving motion.
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