Sitting down to compose today's page, the intent was to detail the complex conspiracy of orange holiday lights, as it is now December, and this is a holiday story that needs to be told.
Good intentions are, obviously, exactly like the opposite of bad habits.
Not unlike the first audible note of a symphony, finger strikes keyboard and the Orange Light Conspiracy is underway.
Accept there is a red blur of an image out the window that has caught my divided attention. Looking up from a work in progress, whatever it was, it's now gone. The train of thought, gone. The source of the red blur, gone. Could it have been imagined? Could it be that the roofers that have been employed to improve this home on Robert Lochaven's future behalf arrived early, and are suspiciously milling about the backyard premises?
And is it possible that the plastic toy clicking winding noise that accompanied the red blur was also imagined, or mere coincidence?
One or the other perhaps, certainly not both, but possibly neither.
This is not the first time a red blur has crossed my path, and the plastic toy clicking winding noise is nothing new to these ears.
Distractions notwithstanding, the Orange Light Conspiracy must be told.
Unfortunately, details are murky at best when it comes to the dubious nature of holiday light distributors but I shall provide what little information I have attained regarding the sad state of affairs as directly as possible.
Hold onto your seats...
Orange bulbs burn out faster than other colors on a string of holiday lights.
As if that weren't earth shattering enough...
All of the various colors on a string of holiday lights can be purchased individually as replacement bulbs.
All of them, that is, except for orange.
Amazingly, there is very little information out there regarding this matter. Either the victims are unwilling to step forward, or the offenders are all too quick to squash the whispers of their greedy plan. Go ahead, I'll wait here while you do a Google search to see for yourself.
Still waiting...
Seriously. Go and Google it.
http://www.google.com/search?q=orange+holiday+light+conspiracy&client=safari&rls=en&source=lnms&sa=X&ei=Pi2dUsC-C6bQsASk8ICAAw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAA&biw=1199&bih=613&dpr=1
Anything?
Oddly nothing, right? The scarcity of information regarding this phenomena is a phenomena unto itself.
And good luck finding a string of holiday lights without orange among the colors. This is just a part of their plan to force the unwitting holiday string of lights consumer to go out and purchase an entire new string of holiday lights each and every year because that orange replacement bulb does not exist.
This is a crime against humanity.
Today's Jazz Hands are defiant!
Today's Jazz Hands say 'NO MORE!'
Today's Jazz Hands will let the orange holiday light bulb burn out and stay doused for eternity. Then, and only then, will we be able to see the holidays (whether it be Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or Festivus) for what they truly are.
That'll show those orange light conspirators.
Good intentions are, obviously, exactly like the opposite of bad habits.
Not unlike the first audible note of a symphony, finger strikes keyboard and the Orange Light Conspiracy is underway.
Accept there is a red blur of an image out the window that has caught my divided attention. Looking up from a work in progress, whatever it was, it's now gone. The train of thought, gone. The source of the red blur, gone. Could it have been imagined? Could it be that the roofers that have been employed to improve this home on Robert Lochaven's future behalf arrived early, and are suspiciously milling about the backyard premises?
And is it possible that the plastic toy clicking winding noise that accompanied the red blur was also imagined, or mere coincidence?
One or the other perhaps, certainly not both, but possibly neither.
This is not the first time a red blur has crossed my path, and the plastic toy clicking winding noise is nothing new to these ears.
Distractions notwithstanding, the Orange Light Conspiracy must be told.
Unfortunately, details are murky at best when it comes to the dubious nature of holiday light distributors but I shall provide what little information I have attained regarding the sad state of affairs as directly as possible.
Hold onto your seats...
Orange bulbs burn out faster than other colors on a string of holiday lights.
As if that weren't earth shattering enough...
All of the various colors on a string of holiday lights can be purchased individually as replacement bulbs.
All of them, that is, except for orange.
Amazingly, there is very little information out there regarding this matter. Either the victims are unwilling to step forward, or the offenders are all too quick to squash the whispers of their greedy plan. Go ahead, I'll wait here while you do a Google search to see for yourself.
Still waiting...
Seriously. Go and Google it.
http://www.google.com/search?q=orange+holiday+light+conspiracy&client=safari&rls=en&source=lnms&sa=X&ei=Pi2dUsC-C6bQsASk8ICAAw&ved=0CAYQ_AUoAA&biw=1199&bih=613&dpr=1
Anything?
Oddly nothing, right? The scarcity of information regarding this phenomena is a phenomena unto itself.
And good luck finding a string of holiday lights without orange among the colors. This is just a part of their plan to force the unwitting holiday string of lights consumer to go out and purchase an entire new string of holiday lights each and every year because that orange replacement bulb does not exist.
This is a crime against humanity.
Today's Jazz Hands are defiant!
Today's Jazz Hands say 'NO MORE!'
Today's Jazz Hands will let the orange holiday light bulb burn out and stay doused for eternity. Then, and only then, will we be able to see the holidays (whether it be Hanukkah, Christmas, Kwanzaa or Festivus) for what they truly are.
That'll show those orange light conspirators.
Day three-hundred and thirty-six complete.
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| This one's for you, P.J. |
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