Today's Jazz Hands corrected yesterday's Jazz Hands because yesterday's Jazz Hands miscalculated what day of Jazz Hands they were supposed to be hand jazzing on again for the first time.
Who gives a rat's ass, time is irrelevant anyways.
Speaking of time, today is the eve of the biggest masquerade of the year where everyone turns in their regular disguises for more elaborate costumes to celebrate the passing of a season, piercing the very heart of autumn with a giant pitchfork exclamation point. There will be many ghosts, witches, zombies, evil clowns and drag queens running amok, resulting in mass hysteria as we scramble to differentiate between the actual monsters and their impersonators.
At least there are proven methods to challenge a witch's authenticity. We can all thank our lucky, ignorant stars for that. As for zombies, if they literally eat your brains, that's pretty much all the confirmation you need. If the zombie is wearing a red hat, please forward his whereabouts to me, as it's been a while since I've seen our good friend Pops and I've got salty treats on standby in the event of a chance encounter. Plus I'd like my disposable camera back.
If a ghost appears before you, it's likely a fraud. According to smart people, at least 60% of alleged ghost sightings are proven and dismissed as hoaxes, while 35% of encounters are attributed to scientifically verifiable optical illusions such as parallax, autokinesis, catoptric cistula, or our newfound friend, atmospheric refraction. This leaves a 4% probability that what you are seeing is a bona fide phantom. Although not entirely impossible, the odds are simply against it. This, of course, is not an indictment of people to have claimed to have seen a ghost (myself included), it is merely an indictment of ghosts themselves. I'm just saying they're rare. And mostly explainable by sciency stuff. But yes, admittedly possible. If numbers can gain mass approval and acceptance, then why not see-through walking talking dead people?
Note: The sum of percentages above equal 99, leaving 1% available for an option that our limited brains cannot fathom at this point in time.
As for clowns, they've taken this irony thing way too far, and despite their deceptively harmless appearance, they are all evil (100%) and should be avoided at all costs, regardless of who is behind that big red nose.
I don't recall exactly how to tell a real drag queen from a fake. If memory serves correctly, the real ones float and the pretend ones do not. Or is it the other way around?
If a ghost appears before you, it's likely a fraud. According to smart people, at least 60% of alleged ghost sightings are proven and dismissed as hoaxes, while 35% of encounters are attributed to scientifically verifiable optical illusions such as parallax, autokinesis, catoptric cistula, or our newfound friend, atmospheric refraction. This leaves a 4% probability that what you are seeing is a bona fide phantom. Although not entirely impossible, the odds are simply against it. This, of course, is not an indictment of people to have claimed to have seen a ghost (myself included), it is merely an indictment of ghosts themselves. I'm just saying they're rare. And mostly explainable by sciency stuff. But yes, admittedly possible. If numbers can gain mass approval and acceptance, then why not see-through walking talking dead people?
Note: The sum of percentages above equal 99, leaving 1% available for an option that our limited brains cannot fathom at this point in time.
As for clowns, they've taken this irony thing way too far, and despite their deceptively harmless appearance, they are all evil (100%) and should be avoided at all costs, regardless of who is behind that big red nose.
I don't recall exactly how to tell a real drag queen from a fake. If memory serves correctly, the real ones float and the pretend ones do not. Or is it the other way around?
As for me, look for the piscine amphibious humanoid monster, pictured below, devouring chocolate peanut butter cups and deploying Jazz Hands like there's no tomorrow.
Be sure to say hello.
Today's Jazz Hands accept improbabilities.
Day three-hundred and three complete.
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