I was startled awake by that unexplainable falling out of bed sensation and upon doing so came to the sudden realization that I have no idea when I am. How in the world did I get to now?
Time travel is mind blowingly inconceivable.
Unbeknownst to me, I have been existing in the yet to come, which is much like attempting to walk along a tightrope with a lot of slack in it, or trying to float inside of a bubble that has expired.
If you've ever tried to float inside of a bubble that has expired, it is exactly like not floating inside of a bubble at all.
There are numerous rules to the game of time travel, many I have yet to learn as this is all relatively new to me. As it turns out, no matter what direction you travel, the days of the week need to remain consistent with the present. For example, if you travel to a past or future Monday, you had better be departing from a Monday.
This is to prevent brain zaps, cranial zings, sudden outbursts of anger, over responsive reflexes, renal failure, disseminated intravascular coagulation and in very few cases, death.
This is to prevent brain zaps, cranial zings, sudden outbursts of anger, over responsive reflexes, renal failure, disseminated intravascular coagulation and in very few cases, death.
If you've donated blood too frequently, overdosed on antidepressants, heroin, pixie sticks, or found yourself on the brink of hypothermia, some of these symptoms may seem vaguely familiar.
To say the least, it is vitally important be consistent with the weekday whilst traversing time.
The bad news is that adhering to this rule does not make the time trip less perplexing and disorientation is a hazard within the finest, most advantageous parameters, as I can attest.
Another byproduct of time travel is that mathematics become extremely difficult to compute. Simple, routine equations become confounding and easy arithmetic is rendered anything but.
a. Time travel makes math difficult even to the most sophisticated of minds.
b. I find math difficult.
c. Therefor I have traveled through time and must have a sophisticated mind.
Tight, indisputable logic.
Here are the specifics that I am grappling with...
Somewhere around day 289 I leapt forward by 11 full days, and then travelled back to day 290 this morning, but now it's actually day 297, the difference of 7 days. None of this adds up correctly. I have luckily landed on the correct day of the week, so no fears of renal failure or cranial zings.
If math were an exact science, which we can all now agree that it is more concept (maybe even mythological) than anything else, I would merely travel back to day 290 and proceed.
However, that bubble has already burst.
The most troubling aspect of this entire debacle is that I have entirely bypassed days 290 through 299, and have already experienced days 300 through 306. This leaves a gaping hole of roughly 17 days and the last thing I want to do is go back and live through the has been, nor do I wish to stay in the not yet, because well, it seems fairly premature.
Now that I have seen the future, I can report back to you that not much changes in the next several days, which supports my theory that we, as a human population, are not making any sort of progress whatsoever. If we are, it's granular at best. Five days from now, eleven days from now, sixteen, seventeen days from now, whatever the magic time frame might be, is almost identical to the present save for the numbers we assign to them using mythematics and hokey calendars invented by other humans many many generations ago prior to all of the technology we typically associate with "advancement"...which is another strong argument against what we perceive as progress in general.
I believe today is supposed to be two-hundred and ninety-seven. This will require me to experience a few days that I should have already lived, and skip a few others that I will never get back no matter how hard I pine for them.
It's best to merely proceed and accept when I am...which is now. The good news is that I get a golden opportunity to embrace several days for the second time.
Now that I have seen the future, I can report back to you that not much changes in the next several days, which supports my theory that we, as a human population, are not making any sort of progress whatsoever. If we are, it's granular at best. Five days from now, eleven days from now, sixteen, seventeen days from now, whatever the magic time frame might be, is almost identical to the present save for the numbers we assign to them using mythematics and hokey calendars invented by other humans many many generations ago prior to all of the technology we typically associate with "advancement"...which is another strong argument against what we perceive as progress in general.
I believe today is supposed to be two-hundred and ninety-seven. This will require me to experience a few days that I should have already lived, and skip a few others that I will never get back no matter how hard I pine for them.
It's best to merely proceed and accept when I am...which is now. The good news is that I get a golden opportunity to embrace several days for the second time.
Today's Jazz Hands are getting reacclimatized.
Day two-hundred and ninety-seven complete.
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