365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 38

THURSDAY, FEBRUARY 7th, 2013

February 7th is a "National Holiday" that has some eery similarities to Jazz Handing.  The holiday has you addressing your neighbors by waving every one of your fingers at them.  We can not utter the name of the holiday, specifically, due to legal constraints as per the request of the individual(s) responsible for its origination and subsequent copyright.  

Personally, I believe that copyrighting the name of a national holiday for financial gain is an abomination.  To Ruth and Thomas Roy of Wellcat Holidays, I say SHENANIGANS!  You have destroyed the soul of this holiday before anyone even cared of its existence.

To that I pronounce February 7th "Global Jazz Hands Day."  No, this isn't merely a national holiday...this bitch is international.  We have reader(s) in South America, North America and Europe, with a combination of seven EIGHT different countries tuning in and potentially expanding as we speak.

You may refer to this global holiday in any way, shape or form for profit, not for profit, for gain of happiness, for gain of goofiness, or for no reason at all.  You do not need permission, written or expressed from anyone...especially me.  I do not own a copyright nor will I pursue one.  If anyone ever does attain a copyright, let this document show, on the 7th day of February in the year 2013, that I give myself legal authority to use and exploit this national holiday for all eternity and also allow anyone in the free world to do so as well.  

By the power vested in me, I now officially pronounce this day Global Jazz Hands Day...if for no other reason than to stick it to Ruth and Thomas Roy for being greedy, holiday hoarding money mongers.  How dare they attempt to turn a beautiful idea of a holiday into a commercial venture for monetary gain.  Their holiday, which we may not call by name, is a fraud.  

And without further ado, here's our Global Jazz Hands Day mascot, copyright permission notwithstanding (let it be known that this legal binding document also allows the use of the image, which, of course, would be upheld in any court of this great planet):

So give someone you know, or don't know Jazz Hands today to commemorate the day, in whatever nation you call home.  Let me know how that goes...I'd love to hear about it.

Day thirty-eight complete.

PS:  If anyone has any really good Valentine's Day gift ideas, let me know...it's coming up quick!

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 37

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 6th, 2013

I never really considered doing Jazz Hands with arms down, palms facing in...this could be a variation of Jazz Hands, but it definitely is not pure hand jazzing.  Either way, I don't believe you can deny, with the provided photo as visual evidence, that Jazz Hands is capable of making ANYONE look awesome.

This girl could walk down the street completely blending in, and you'd never give her a second glance.  Then the moment she flashes her Jazz Hands, you'd be like "Wow!  She is incredibly awesome!"  and then go tell all of your friends that you've seen a superhero.

I give the new variation a shot...the results are awesome.  Day thirty-seven complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 36

TUESDAY, FEBRUARY 5th, 2013

Today's blog will serve as a current glossary of Jazz Hands variations that have been created, discovered and deployed over the past month or so.  This list will likely expand and updates will be given as the situation warrants.  Almost in alphabetical order:

Amateur Jazz Hands - When someone like myself exhibits Jazz hands, regardless of location.

Forbidden Jazz Hands - Naked Jazz Handing, especially forbidden when combined with Surprise Attack Jazz Hands.

Honka Honka Jazz Hands/Male - A variation of the original but clenching the fingers in a squeezing motion (with hands facing away from you).

Honka Honka Jazz Hand/Female - A variation of the original but clenching the fingers in a squeezing motion (with hands facing toward you).

Impaired Jazz Hands - If one, or both, of your hands are holding a foreign object, like a top hat, cane or glass of beer, and Jazz Hands is conducted despite the lack of available digits, your Jazz Hands are "impaired."

Jazz Hands Ambush - Approaching a stranger and giving them Jazz Hands without provocation.

Mexican Jazz Hands - A person of Mexican descent displaying Jazz Hands.  Traditional Mexican music is not required, as long as you imagine it in your head while the event is occurring.

Pro Jazz Hands - When a professional dancer, such as Al Jolson or Liza Minelli, exhibits Jazz Hands during a dance performance in film or on stage.

Right Hip Dip - Pivoting the body at the waste, to the right while displaying Jazz Hands.

Salutation Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing from afar where the act is reciprocated as a form of saying "Hello!"  This can be combined with almost any other variation, but usually has to be an exceptionally boisterous display so that the recipient has a strong visual of the expression.  Salutation Jazz Hands can be done at close range, but usually with relatively awkward results, especially with boisterous implementation.

Silent Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without saying "Jazzzzz Handsssss!"

Spirit Fingers - Jazz Hands with the fingers wiggling about, independently of the others. This can be seen with the hands and arms starting high and ending low, vertically, which is the exact same as sign language for "rain."

Spontaneous Jazz Hands - Jazz Handing without premeditation.  A natural, spur of the moment, expression of excitement.  Almost like sneeze, but serving a different purpose.

Surprise Attack Jazz Hands - To exhibit this variation properly one must first face away from the audience then quickly pivot around to face them, displaying an unexpected bombardment of Jazz Hands.

Turtle Flappers - A display of Jazz Hands with elbows pulled in touching the ribcage, forearms and hands extended out, fingers closed together, and hands making a back and forth waving motion.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 35

MONDAY, FEBRUARY 4th, 2013

As all good things must come to an end

I bid farewell to the Three Wise Men.  

They head back north early today

I give them Jazz Hands as they walk away.

I don't think they noticed.

Today's Jazz Hands are tired and have a mild case of the blahs.  Out, brief light.

Day thirty-five complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 34

SUNDAY, FEBRUARY 3rd, 2013

The eyes reveal almost everything you need to know about someone's sincerity.  This is not the science of micro-expression, but merely a tool for the observant.  

Despite my reluctance, it turns out that I will, given the right circumstances, exhibit Jazz Hands by request.  It took not one genuine smile while the request was being made, but a history of genuine smiles.  Consistent, genuine happiness.  The world needs more genuinely happy people.  Denying them  Jazz Hands would be criminal.

The eyes are the reason I haven't particularly liked my Jazz Hands deployment in front of the mirror.  Jazz Hands is supposed to be an exuberant display of joy and excitement.  You can't just step up in front of a mirror and display Jazz Hands and call it a day.  You don't punch a clock, give yourself Jazz Hands, punch the clock and go home.  It just lacks genuinity.

This marks the last full day that the Three Wise Men are here and I genuinely wish they could stay longer.  I made at least three minor mistakes throughout the day (nothing new here, I make a lot of them) and would not mind a mulligan.

Jazz Hands had a quiet day, other than the impromptu fulfilled request without regrets.  Day thirty-four complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 33

SATURDAY, FEBRUARY 2nd, 2013

It took about an hour to confirm 2 of the 3 predicted occurrences.  The Three Wise Men did in fact attempt to coax a hand jazzing out of me and I did in fact deny them.  

The trick was to do Jazz Hands right under their wise noses without them realizing it.  As destiny would have it, I was able to successfully pull this off three times.  They either did not notice the delivery or pretended not to.  

Saturday proved fruitful for the Jazz Hands journey as two new variations cropped up spontaneously.  First we have "Impaired Jazz Hands" which is not entirely what you may think it is.  If you have a drink in one hand and attempt to do Jazz Hands anyway and spill a little bit of your drink in the process, that is "Impaired" Jazz Hands. The second is "Honka Honka Jazz Hands" which is exactly what you think it is.    

It was sunny.  We ate Grouper sandwiches.  We stuck our feet in the salty water.  We could not have asked for a better day to eat, drink and be merry.  A very satisfying day thirty-three complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 32

FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 1st, 2013

Today I shake my hands three times while jazzing them to commemorate the weekend's forthcoming festivities, which I will get to in one moment, after details of today's deployment. 

I embark the hand jazzing with a twist.  With my right hand extended perpendicular to my body, palm facing out, I fashion my left arm parallel to the right one, but facing the same direction, palm facing toward my body...all while shuffling my feet to my right, so that my entire body is in motion, to the right.  Three shakes of my rigid hands, accompanied by the verbal proclamation, "Jazzzz Handsssss!"

I did not hand jazz in front of a mirror...excluding mirrors seems to be the best decision of the journey so far.  Onto this weekend's momentous occasion.

I shall be visited by three wise men this night as a spirit will carry them from their homes and bring them here to me.  They shall visit for three days and these three things I can assure you of:

1. They will attempt to coax Jazz Hands out of me.

2. I will not indulge them on command.

3. I will likely have to catch up on my blog entries come next week due to their visitation.

I will catch both of you up on all of this weekend's jazz handed shenanigans as soon as opportunity permits.  Based on current trends, please allow three full days for me to do so.

A one, and a two and a three...Day thirty-two complete.