• One 15oz can of mini ravioli in tomato and meat sauce -1500mg Sodium.
• One 1.2oz bag of cheese flavored popcorn - 240mg Sodium.
• One 6.3oz bag of cheddar cheese filled pretzel baked snacks - 1800mg Sodium.
• One 10oz bag of three-cheese medley sourdough nibblers - 1,890mg Sodium.
• One pair of 6.75 fl. oz organic grape flavored juice boxes - 5mg Sodium each.
• One plastic fork (0mg sodium).
• One hand full of Subway napkins (0mg sodium).
• One AT&T Store bag to hold Purification Care Package Kit (0mg Sodium).
Some notes on the above contents:
I went out of my way to ensure that the can of ravioli was accessible for Pops. For starters, I thought it might be incredibly rude of me to hand over a can of ravioli with no means for him to open it. To avoid having to include a can opener, the best option, really, are the cans that offer an easy open, pull tab lid. I probably do not have to go into detail why it may or may not be a good idea to hand a can opener over to a zombie.
But I will.
To be perfectly fair, I'm really not certain what would be more painful, bare teeth sinking into the flesh of my head or a can opener prying open the difficult parts. My hope is that Pops is so pleased with the pull tab lid that he will forget, if only until the light turns green at the portal intersection of West Kennedy Blvd. and Dale Mabry, that what he actually craves is brain matter. He will be so entranced with the shiny, easy open can that I will make a clean getaway.
I should also note that only one of the organic, grape flavored juice boxes has a straw. I hope that Pops has his wits about him enough to realize that he needs the straw from the first juice box to extract the contents of the second. If he drinks the first and discards the refuse, all hell will break loose. On the other hand, if his first juice box encounter is with the strawless container, he may be so infuriated regarding the difficult entry that a rampage ensues. This is not unrelated to the fury resulting from handing over a can of inaccessible ravioli.
The fact that these juice boxes are organic has no relevance other than this particular flavor of organic grape was fairly detestable to my kids resulting in an extended stay in the ice box. Noticing there is some sodium content within them, I figured I'd unload the unwanted beverages, ridding the fridge of unnecessary clutter as well as curing Pops of his infection. Plus it is nice to have a beverage handy after consuming salty snacks and/or brains, preferably the former.
Regarding the notation of Subway napkins and the AT&T Store bag, I sincerely hope Pops does not take offense to the subtlety here. I'm fairly certain he would love nothing more than to walk into an electronics store and purchase phones, phone accessories and data plans to make his life complete and then go to Subway for lunch while texting his friends with the device he just activated at said store...but no...instead he must be reminded of the things he can not buy and can not do.
Also noteworthy, I felt it necessary to list each item in singular form. You may have noticed the "one pair of juice boxes" and the "one handful of Subway napkins." Yes, there were multiples of those, but when preparing to rid the world of zombies, one must be as precise and consistent as possible...or else the entire plan will ultimately fail.
Last note, I promise: I mentioned that the fork and napkins have zero sodium content due to the fact that Pops is likely very hungry and may consume them...plus his state of mind may not allow him to appropriately assess edible versus not...hence the inclusion.
To sum: The Zombie Care Package contains a grand total of 5,440mg sodium which should be plenty enough to stop a zombie in their tracks. The recommended amount of salt to cure a zombie of his troubles is somewhere north of 5,000, so I believe we're in good shape here, so long as Pops consumes most of it...he may only share approximately 440mg worth of sodium, or this is all for naught.
You may use my care package checklist to prepare your own kit if you like. But remember to be consistent and precise. And be somewhere north of 5,000mg of sodium. Or else you're merely wasting your time. Oh...and don't forget...no can openers.
Today's Jazz Hands have an easy open lid. Day one-hundred and fifty-four complete.
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