365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 179

FRIDAY, JUNE 28th, 2013  

One anniversary celebration complete.  Now it is time for some real pomp and circumstance.  Ready the confetti.  Ready the balloons.  Ready the dancing girls, parade floats and marching band tunes!

365 Days of Jazz Hands turns 50% this coming Monday, making the forthcoming weekend our final days of steady incline.  I'm not certain what descending Jazz Hands will bring, but I happen to know one inevitable fact...all good things must come to an end.  These Jazz Hands will expire on December 31st of this year, which begs the question...how's it all going to end?

First things first, we must decide how to properly celebrate the completion of 50% (also known as the end of the beginning), and to properly usher in the second act, 50% Part Two (also known as the beginning of the end).

Obviously, some ecstatic hand jazzing will be in order.  I've mentioned the confetti, the balloons, the dancing girls, parade floats and marching band tunes...what else could there possibly be?

How about this...

I propose a toast.  Since Mondays are drab and routine commutes yank the pomp right out of circumstance, take a moment this coming weekend, raise a drink, and deploy Impaired Jazz Hands.  For those that need a refresher course on Jazz Hands terminology, Impaired Jazz Hands consists of having a foreign object in one hand while attempting to deploy two handed Jazz Hands.  Otherwise you're merely deploying singular Jazz Hand, which is likely to be mistaken as a wave hello gesture (or wave goodbye gesture, depending on which way you happen to be heading).  

Context is everything.

In this case of celebratory Impaired Jazz Hands, the foreign object should be a drink.  Deploy.  Drink.  Then enjoy the confetti.  Enjoy the balloons.  Enjoy the dancing girls, parade floats and marching band tunes!

And since we will all raise a glass to properly salute this 50% anniversary of 365 Days of Jazz Hands, it seems an appropriate to make an official announcement.

Are you ready to have your mind blown?

I have put my Gin and Tonic days firmly behind me, so I will not be raising a glass of G&T for the purposes of this toast.  No.  Instead I shall raise a glass of a drink I have dubbed the Palm Harbor!

A Palm Harbor is not unlike a Gin and Tonic and varies slightly from a Gin Rickey.   For starters, no tonic, that stuff has a fairly strange, bitter taste, which conceals the beautiful, subtle flavors of good gin (Bombay Sapphire is my personal preference).  Plus, tonic has corn syrup, and let's face it, sweet is the new gross.

A Gin Rickey on the other hand consists of gin mixed with club soda, but adds sugar and juice of citrus, most commonly lime.  Now we're getting somewhere.  Again, sugar equals sweet equals not for me.  

Remove the sugar adding process from the gin and club soda, squeeze the juices from one fresh lime and one fresh lemon and you have yourself a refreshing Palm Harbor.  

For kicks and giggles, say it with a Boston accent (pronounced: Pawm Hobba).  Now raise your perfectly dry, adult beverage to toast these 50% festivities with what will now be considered the 365 Days of Jazz Hands official drink.  Youngsters may raise a juice box.  That will suffice.

Today's Jazz Hands are nearing the summit and are thoroughly enjoying the view from way up here.  

Day one-hundred and seventy-nine complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 178

THURSDAY, JUNE 27th, 2013  

Affinity and communication give us reality.  

Blame not the candle for the shadows it casts.  Blame not the driver of the trolly for adhering to the tracks.  Blame not the gravity for when you fall.  

When you decide to jump, don't be surprised when you land.  We make our choices and must accept that life will run its course beyond that.  To have and to hold.  For better, or for worse.

Mistake fate for destiny at your own peril, but the two are not synonymous.  Fate, by definition, is inevitable destiny, but destiny will have nothing to do with fate. The candle needs not a shadow to exist, but the shadow can not dance without its source.  The tracks need not the trolly, but the trolly has no path without its rails.  Gravity does not need you to jump, but you need gravity to fall.

Fifteen years ago today two tracks merged into one.  Candles burned bright and two shadows danced to Van Morrison singing a song about affinity.  Call it destiny or fate, call it what you will.  Call us shadows because that day still seems surreal and dreamlike.  We do not exist but for the candle still burning brightly and it is affinity that feeds the flame.

Today's Jazz Hands look forward to another fifteen years of candles, shadows, Van Morrison, affinity and defying gravity.

Day one-hundred and seventy-eight complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 177

WEDNESDAY, JUNE 26th, 2013  

This morning I spent a few minutes exploring dramatic Jazz Hands poses in front of the bathroom mirror.  Quite a bit of time has passed since such an attempt due to self-loathing.  Though none of said poses would ever be confused with traditional deployments, or satisfactory deployments for that matter, I find that the most effective attempts showcased my arms bent inward, crossing in front of my body, hands close in proximity, mostly obscuring my face.

I have enough experience with these hand jazzings (177 days worth and counting) to know that my facial expressions drain any potential success from these deployments.  The focus really should be on the hands anyhow, so I don't believe this deviation from the mean is completely unwarranted.  Traditionalists may argue, but it's not as if I'm out to become the next Liza Minelli, or better yet, Al Jolson.  I may have some lofty goals, but that's just not one of them.  I really thought that perhaps after 177 days of practice, I'd be well on my way to some exceptional hand jazzing, but I've come to terms with hand jazzing mediocrity (which is actually giving myself more credit than is justified). 

To wrap up this Jazz Hands progress report I can say with confidence that hand jazzing off the cuff in a moment of spontaneity is much more rewarding and much less contrived than premeditated deployments.  The mirror will confirm that for you, just ask.

Today's Jazz Hands deviated from the mean.  Day one-hundred and seventy-seven complete.    

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 176

TUESDAY, JUNE 25th, 2013  

Knowledge and Ignorance...two diametrically opposing forces competing for common space, providing the required ingredients for a good storm.

What would hand jazzing be without two hands?  

Okay, it seems we've covered that some time ago...I believe it's considered Jazz Hand.  We can term it any which way we choose, but the fact of the matter is that one handed jazz handing comes off as more of a wave and nobody in their right mind would blame you for mistaking a one handed hand jazzing as such.  May I recommend to all one handed readers to give one handed spirit fingers a go, as that may reflect your intentions more accurately, and is much less likely to be mistaken for a nonverbal hello gesture from afar.  Of course, you'll look ridiculous as a result, but that's half of the point, is it not?

Tuesday's are ripe with tense opposition.  It's by far the worst day of the week, also covered previously...I won't get into the thick, nasty details of Tuesday's dark matter.  To contrast this shroud of Tuesday mourning negative energy, one must navigate blindly through the dark room to find a switch.  

Jazz Hands are my guide, my candle.  

There is but one good detail regarding Tuesdays.  If you find yourself milling around a record store on a Tuesday (in the United States), you'll find that all new releases appear on Tuesdays (UK and France on Mondays, Germany on Fridays).  There are a lot of theories as to why this is the case, Billboard charts released on Wednesdays being one of them, shipping logistics being another.  I prefer to believe that somebody, somewhere in the music industry, long ago understood Tuesday's bleak dynamic and decided to inject some much needed life into it.  Whatever the actual reason is, my guess is the version in my head is much more interesting...perhaps its better if the truth remains hidden.

I'd like to take this opportunity to point out to the younger reader that a record store is an actual place, commonly made of brick and mortar, that houses and sells music albums.  Musicians record their music and have the ability to physically adhere the sound to a CD made of plastic, or a record made of vinyl, put some fancy drawings and photographs on the cover and market them to people.  In the old days one could spend an afternoon browsing through hundreds, if not thousands of releases, physically hold them in their hands, potentially interact with other music lovers and have a social chat about art and culture.  This may sound strange in this era of digital downloads and message boards...but imagine the exact same thing but with tangible people and things.  I know...GROSS!  

Anyways...

To celebrate this antiquated process, I'd like to point out that an album from the early nineteen-nineties has been reissued and made available today for our re-appreciation of its relative greatness and cultural relevance within the historical context of its original release, way back when (also a Tuesday).  

To turn this Tuesday mourning back into a Tuesday morning, do yourself a favor and check out Digable Planets' 1994 release, "Blowout Comb."  Your instant gratification download awaits you...no human interaction required (whew).

Also deploy some Jazz Hands, that's usually a pretty good remedy as well.  Music and Jazz Hands, what a great combo to combat Tuesday's stink.  

Two opposing forces competing for common space.  A classic battle of good (music/Jazz Hands) versus evil (Tuesdays).  Let the storm rage on.

Today's Jazz Hands are enjoying a nice blend of Hip Hop and Jazz.

Day one-hundred and seventy-six complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 175

MONDAY, JUNE 24th, 2013  

Knowledge is power and Ignorance is bliss.  

Knowing is, after all, half the battle.  The other half is recognizing the freedom in not knowing.  Perhaps we'd all be much better off with a clinical understanding of every little thing around us.  Perhaps a good mystery is just as beneficial to our well being.

Scrutinize.  Debate.  Look behind the curtain if you will.  Just remember that the curiosity and wonder that drove you to pull that curtain back in the first place is a potent commodity, which is likely more fascinating than whatever is revealed. 

Those chirping birds and buzzing insects...that Sunday morning chorus.  What was all the fuss about?  Like an Italian opera, I'm not really sure I care what they're singing about.  It can't possibly be more interesting than what I imagine they're going on about.  The clucking chickens are likely pushing large eggs out of tiny holes...nothing overly romantic or mysterious about that.  Nothing in my imagination to make it a fascinating process either.  

Moving on.

Today's Jazz Hands were imagined (not really, I just thought that to be an appropriate thing to write).

Day one-hundred and seventy-five complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 174

SUNDAY, JUNE 23rd, 2013  

Deploying Jazz Hands lying down is a rarity, but on this particular quiet Sunday morning I find myself floating around the pool, and can not think of a better place for a bit of peaceful, understated hand jazzing.

Quiet save for little winged creatures singing a territorial opera chorus of who belongs where.  And the leaf blowers staking their claim on my eardrums.  And the neighbor's clucking chickens.  It seems the most quiet moments are provided by roaring jets overhead, bleating out the abundance of chirpy buzzed clucking.

Watching silver bullets find purchase into big pieces of floating popcorn, I stretch my arms out on either side of me, barely contacting the water, and deploy a relaxed, fluid form of Jazz Hands.  The turbulence cause tiny ripples of pool water to dance around my fingers, disfiguring the reflection of the clouds.

In a few short hours, afternoon storms will drown the chorus of this quiet summer morning.  Until then there is a 100% chance I will embrace the sun, the noisy winged creatures, the reflections and refractions of the billowing clouds and my hands dangling in the cool water.  But not the leaf blowers staking their claim on my eardrums.  I could live without that for the time being.

Today's Jazz Hands made waves.  Day one-hundred and seventy-four complete.

  

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 173

SATURDAY, JUNE 22nd, 2013  

Spring has officially given way to summer.  Today promises to be sunny and warm, right up until it is not.  The Saturday morning air is filled with the natural sounds of table saws and lawnmowers as the typical office dwellers have been released into the outdoors to manicure lawns and cut things with sharp, spinning blades.  

I too will participate in this weekend ritual, minus cutting things with sharp, spinning blades.  I will also put in my time as a weekend shopper, as I need approximately six bottles of red wine (no, not for the sole purpose of this weekend's potential inebriation...I like to think of it as a rotating collection).

This is what the domestic weekend has come to...manicure the lawn, fix things, cut things, buy things.  Daughter needs a bathing sit, Son needs shoes.  Dad needs antioxidants.

And a boat...

...but seriously, who's got time for a boat when all the free time is used up making the lawn look pretty and cutting large pieces of wood into smaller ones?  If I were blessed with boat ownership, the lawn would get neglected...and that development would likely be frowned upon by the neighbors, feverishly competing for the neighborhood's best lawn award.  Of course, I could invite said neighbors to go on the boat, offer up a glass of antioxidants and introduce them to the Royal Jazz Hands...neglected lawns and large pieces of wood staying intact, forgiven.

Image all the hand jazzing over the open waters of the Gulf of Mexico!  Jazz Hands fishing.  Jazz Hands sunset cruise.  Jazz Hands island hopping.  Of course, there's always a 30% chance of Jazz Hands thunderstorms developing, which would give way to a Jazz Hands mad dash to port.  It's all part of the hand jazzing fun.

The summer months bring with them a 30% chance of storms on a daily basis.  Distant rumbles will turn to louder ones and about one-third of the time we'll get a good tropical swamping.  Today promises to be sunny and warm, right up until it is not.  I will be manicuring the lawn.  I will be doing my share of weekend shopping.  I will not be hand be jazzing my hands over the open waters of the Gulf, but that doesn't mean I can't embrace what today has in store (subtle pun there), and some antioxidants.

Today's Jazz Hands want to be a captain.  

Day one-hundred and seventy-three complete.