Friday, July 5, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 186

FRIDAY, JULY 5th, 2013

Our forefathers had hope and effort.  Those are the only two necessary ingredients for anything worth having. 

There is no reliable information to give us a specific number of American casualties fighting for freedom's cause during the Revolutionary War.  At best, an estimated 50,000 troops sacrificed their lives.  If the average male has six quarts, or five and a half liters of blood, that equates to 300,000 quarts or 275,000 liters of blood spilled for what they merely hoped we might one day have. 

Of course, many of those perished due to disease and starvation, but that doesn't really help in this metaphor...but a noble sacrifice, nonetheless.

Live like there is no tomorrow, otherwise tomorrow isn't worth your time.  These men fought tooth and nail for our tomorrows, knowing full well that theirs were up for grabs.  If they were not willing to die, where would that leave us?

This is an important concept, one you should keep in your back pocket for future reference.  Death, whether we're speaking in literal terms, or using it as a metaphor, is an opening door...a portal to survival.  A willingness to sacrifice, to die even, is freedom's calling card.  Ironically, your survival demands it.

This may be a stretch, but take the game Box Head Run for example.  This takes at least two people, but you can have a large group as well.  Find a box, just larger than the average, human head, one that will prevent the participant from seeing a damn thing.  A blindfold works just as well, but the name of the game would not be as amusing, and the entertainment value for the spectators would be considerably diminished.  The box was originally utilized due to availability and thus, necessity. 

Here's how to play.  The participants in this game take turns, one at a time.  A box is fixed on the head completely covering the eyes, the player is spun around several times as to disorient them, and then must navigate an obstacle course with a predetermined destination.  For this example, and in my experience with the game, the destination was the most comfortable ugly chair in the world (but you can choose whatever you like based on availability).  The participant should be familiar with the chosen destination and the course they are to stumble through.  Other participants, while spectating and waiting their turn, are encouraged to throw objects in the path of the contestant in order to slow them down.  Obviously, the contestant with the fastest time wins. 

The individual that throws the most caution to the wind has a decent chance of winning, yet they also have the best chance of running into a wall at a higher rate of speed than one would normally desire when running into a wall.  Injury risk is high and breaking objects along the way is likely.  Reckless abandon is a necessity, for the cautious player can not truly contend for top prize.  Sacrifice is the path to victory.  Effort to put in the fastest time takes some irreverence to failure, and hope to find the most comfortable ugliest chair in the world faster than your opponents is the motivating factor.  Sitting in that chair at the end of the journey is only worth the time if you've given yourself a real opportunity to win the game. 

Effort and hope make it a worthwhile experience.  Fear failure and lose.

Likening a soldier taking a bullet in the name of freedom to running into a wall with a box fixed to your head isn't quite apples to apples, but I've referenced the game enough times that you deserve an explanation.  This seemed as good an opportunity as any. 

Today's Jazz Hands were deployed with reckless abandon.  Day one-hundred and eighty-six complete.

Thursday, July 4, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 185

THURSDAY, JULY 4th, 2013

155 million hot dogs will be consumed today.  End to end, you can connect Los Angeles to Washington D.C. with wieners...5 times.  

That's one helluva way to celebrate the signing of the Declaration of Independence.  Another good way to celebrate patriotism is to import $200,000,000 worth of fireworks from China.  Yes, that's six zeros on that sum.  An interesting way to celebrate the stars and bars. 

A bit of history for you while you're stuffing your face with wieners, Independence Day was not made an official holiday until 1941, one-hundred and sixty years hence.  There is conjecture regarding the actual signing of the Declaration of Independence and some say the document was signed as much as one full month later than the paperwork suggests.  We are one vital fact away from celebrating this holiday on August 4th.  

Our forefathers actually declared independence on the 2nd, not the 4th, regardless of the month, but apparently declaring something isn't worth celebrating as much as signing something that declares the declaration.  Although our newly formed, unofficial congress declared independence from Great Britain on the 2nd day of a debatable summer month in 1776, there was still a big war to win in order for that independence to truly occur.  Six years post declaration and declaration signing, the United States of America finally seceded from the motherland.  In reality, we should celebrate our independence on September 3rd, commemorating the signing of the Treaty of Paris in 1781, which sealed the deal and our fate once and for all.  We won the war.  We won generations of struggles, both financially and sociologically.  We won the insight that freedom has a cost and comes with great responsibility.  Some may contend that we're still learning some of these lessons to this very day.  We are, after all, still a very young nation.

So today when you raise your hands to celebrate our freedoms afforded to us by true visionaries, jazz them for our mighty struggles and an even mightier learning curve.  Jazz your hands to commemorate the day we earned the right to stumble and the right to stand up to try again.  

It's important to note that even though we seem fixated on a specific date, what we are really celebrating is an ideal that we still strive to uphold, an expectation handed to us by a people with hope if not for themselves but for future generations...they had us in mind.  Thus, we must return the favor, looking back at what they intended, we must look forward and hand expectation of high ideals to our future generations.  Hope is what created this nation against all odds and it is hope that we must hand to the future.  Without it, we have nothing.  

Today's Jazz Hands gave proof through the night.  Day one-hundred and eighty-five complete.

Wednesday, July 3, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 184

WEDNESDAY, JULY 3rd, 2013

I have a new game for Mitch.

Some weeks back I mentioned the likelihood of working together instead of being constantly at odds.  How perhaps we can use our differences and the competitive nature of our relationship to our advantage, noting that he may be the only one I know for sure that is not in on this horribly acted play.  Either that or he's one hell of a performer.

Not even I fully understood what was meant when I initially wrote about our potential symbiosis.  That is, not until now.  The picture is becoming crystal clear to me, exactly how a dream fades away but in reverse.

I will refrain from getting into too many details about this new challenge I intend to propose, other than it is a hybrid of a game we are all too familiar with.  This particular game requires the two of us to work together and cooperate as fully and as completely as possible...yet the ultimate goal, as in any other competitive game, is to win.  To soundly defeat the opponent.

Tis an interesting concept, to work for and against the same person in pursuit of common victory.  Two entities competing for the same space, something has to give.  Remove one element and the whole thing falls apart.  We need each others trust in this pursuit and our success depends on it.  However, one of us, ultimately, will fail.

As I have a word with my friendenemy,  I notice a scar on his right hand about an inch or so in length, residing in that fleshy region connecting the thumb and forefinger, healed long ago, representing a single moment of trauma preserved for all time.  The fact that he has a scar about an inch or so in length on his right hand is not all that remarkable.  What fascinates me is that I have the identical scar on my right hand. I let this interesting coincidence slide for the time being, we have much to discuss.

Mitch receives my challenge with reluctance, as I might expect.  He will come around, I'm sure of it.  He really has no choice in the matter and will see the game's inevitability in due time.

After all, this is not some silly parlor game like Box Head Run or something of that nature.  It may be our only means of escape.

Today's Jazz Hands were confluent.  Day one-hundred and eighty-four complete.




Tuesday, July 2, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 183

TUESDAY, JULY 2nd, 2013  

There is a one-billion percent chance of living under a waterfall today.  Not even the most aggressively deployed hand jazzing can minimize the odds.

The morning commute will require the use of a boat rather than car and if this weather pattern continues much longer I shall begin the construction of an ark.  Such is life living 42 inches above sea level.  And no, that's not an average.  That's Florida's highest peak.

Although this may sound like a complaint, I assure you it is not.  It's just that I am not confident in my ark building skill set.  On the plus side of things, it is nice to break out the rainy day attire and the rainy day music.  Rain may come off as crabby and reluctant, dampening and cold.  There exists a good argument to be made for all of that.  You could also argue that it draws things near, makes life seem more substantive and tactile.  The most experienced chromatologists who have dedicated their life to chromatology will tell you that nature, without a good sogging from time to time, lacks pigmentation.  A good dosing of moisture saturates color, as much as it saturates the soil under our feet.

Plus without the rain...you know...we can't survive.  So there's that.

Today's rainy day attire consists of a comfortable, simple, red hoodie over a loose fitting work shirt, distressed khakis and camouflage underpants.  Today's rainy day music consists of an album that is in the conversation for top release of the year, "Trouble Will Find Me" by The National. 

Find them learn from them listen to them download them here:


Today's Jazz Hands are made of gopher wood.

Day one-hundred and eighty-three complete.

Monday, July 1, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 182

MONDAY, JULY 1st, 2013  

Big Foot pose comparisons and milk carton images notwithstanding, you've waited patiently for what are to be the first actual photographic evidence of my promise to deploy Jazz Hands on a daily basis.  What better occasion than on day 50%?  A few days ago I detailed a morning deployment, documenting a new style of Jazz Hands.  Elbows bent, arms turned inward, hands obscuring stupid face.  Deadpan facial expressions suit me just fine but prefer completely faceless even more so.  Of course, expressionless hand jazzing with arms bent inward defy the essence of traditional jazz dance, but I am not a traditionalist by most counts, nor am I a jazz dancing entertainer by occupation.  Or by any other means for that matter.  

Without further ado, may I present these ridiculous images of me deploying a unique, hybrid version of Jazz Hands.  Based on my own personal gut response to them, they're likely to be the last posted.






















Ever.





































Today's Jazz Hands images are by no means intended to be taken seriously in any way, shape or form.

Postscript:  If I may be candid about the release of above images:  I had the idea to photograph a series of tongue-in-cheek, dramatic Jazz Hands poses and thought it might be amusing, funny and of course, ridiculous.  There was a time that I perceived mirror deployments the most embarrassing form of deployment, having to confront my ridiculousness face to face.  I was mistaken.  To have someone photograph me doing this, as it turns out, is much more humiliating than one may think, even if the intent is humor and said ridiculousness.  In my view, one of the main objectives when this hand jazzing new year's resolution idea was suggested, besides embracing every single day with levity, was to push me outside of my comfort zone.  

I'd say that today's post adequately accomplishes that end.  Maybe a bit too much, actually.  Don't be surprised if I go back and remove the photos from today's entry, although I'm not a big fan of self editing my posts.  I'll leave them for now...but I reserve all removal rights.

Day one-hundred and eighty-two (50%) complete.

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 181

SUNDAY, JUNE 30th, 2013  

The theme of the weekend was "One More."

Accentuating this underlying theme was the celebration of two milestones, and what is an anniversary if not the acknowledgement of something plus a full cycle of time.  In a sense, an anniversary is the celebration of one more.

As previously discussed, something's briefness makes it substantially more interesting and worth while. Weekends, anniversaries, afternoons at the ballpark, a game of Nine Lives...life.

All good things, as they say, end.  Toasts were made with newly named drinks and every last bit of fun and shenanigans were squeezed out of the weekend's fanfare.  

Noteworthy to say the least, a group consisting of myself, the wife and the neighbor friends partook in a rousing impaired Jazz Hands toast, with Pawm Hobba in hand (mine anyways, I can only account for the contents of my own beverage), we saluted the 50% anniversary of 365 Days of Jazz Hands in deserving fashion.  Justice was afforded to the monumental occasion.  

We enjoyed the confetti.  We enjoyed the balloons.  We enjoyed the parade floats and marching band tunes.

We celebrated in style.  We embraced with a roar.  We enjoyed one final, refreshing drink and then had one more. 

Officially, today is 49% and change, consisting of a decimal point I do not care to compute.  So all of this pomp and circumstance was technically deployed during the final ascent and we have now reached the summit.  

Let's take a moment to enjoy the expansive view, for tomorrow is Monday, July 1st and marks the official 50% mark.  A flag will be fixed at the peak, but then we shall begin our descent.  Let the beginning of the end begin.

Today's Jazz Hands will see you at the bottom.  Day one-hundred and eighty-one complete.

Saturday, June 29, 2013

365 Days of Jazz Hands - Day 180

SATURDAY, JUNE 29th, 2013  

Another month down and here we are on the eve of the eve of 50%, which means it is time for another Statistical Data Update.   Believe it or not, fifteen countries joined in on the fun since last check, a tad over twenty days ago.  I, for one, do not believe it.  There could be a technical glitch with the software's coding, a valued reader is perhaps flying around the globe to mess with me, or a conspiracy of cartographers is underway.  At any rate, the following list consists of the countries that are said to have visited these chronicles of nonsense at least once.  Many of them likely clicked, scratched head and promptly moved on...but I'm keeping score, nonetheless...even if the joke is on me.  

Our newcomers include:

South America:
Argentina

Africa:
Morocco
South Africa

Asia:
Vietnam
Philippines
Hong Kong
India


Europe:
Portugal
Czech Republic
Serbia & Montenegro
Sweden
Finland
Bulgaria
Switzerland
Hungary

Now pushing 6,000 visits, our cumulative list of nations include the following (newbies in red):

Continents (6): North America (3), South America (4), Europe (21), Asia (14), Australia (1) and Africa (3).

Countries (46): USA, Canada, Mexico, Venezuela, Colombia, Brazil, Argentina, Germany, Spain, Portugal, Czech Republic, Serbia & Montenegro, Sweden, Finland, Bulgaria, Switzerland, Croatia, United Kingdom, Italy, France, Poland, Russia, Netherlands, Denmark, Ukraine, Belgium, Turkey, Hungary, Kazakhstan, Indonesia, Malaysia, Bangladesh, Nepal, China, Pakistan, Taiwan, Vietnam, Philippines, Hong Kong, South Korea, Japan, India, Australia, Ghana, Morocco and South Africa. 

You can see the alarming spread of our plague detailed on the map below.



Today's Jazz Hands salute the newcomers for joining in on the nonsense, and give praise to the regulars for coming back for more.

Day one-hundred and eighty complete.